The Thinking Beans

Oftentimes I asked myself: “What is happening to you?” And then I always come to a pause and cannot exactly answer my own question. For several moments of my life I have been accustomed to doing nothing. My life suddenly came to a very laid back pace. No worries, no problems, no hassles that have stormed my day to day life. That was before today. For so many weeks, I have been trying to run away from the problems I am facing, trying to get away from my responsibilities thinking that there will always be tomorrow where I can resolve my mistakes of today. But I was wrong. As time pass by, more and more problems came my way. Some were new ones but most of the time problems that resulted from my previous problems seem to have build up now and I find myself cornered. Nowhere to run but back to the way where I left everything.

The harder I try to run, the more problems sprouted and now I don’t know where to start, how to solve these problems one by one. I feel alone although a lot of people have offered their help one way or another. Some have been reprimanding me and some were just simply there waiting for me to tap their shoulders and seek their help. I am thankful for those people but I think I have to face these problems on my own. Alone yet I feel strong, I need to be strong. Is this because of pride or is this because of my will to put an end to this dilemma? I don’t know, and I really don’t know.

I find myself sitting in a corner now, thinking nothing more but emptiness. My mind is pitch black. Sometimes I wished there was a reset button of my life so that if times like these happen to me, one push of that button and I am ready to start all over again. But reality do not have such button. What reality offers is change and nothing more. This time I need to take that chance not only in words but also in action. But I don’t know if I can make it. I don’t know if I can live with it. Maybe this time, I have to leave my comfort zone and face reality as it is now.

Above all things, I wish life was a bit easier for me, but then I realize, life would have been easier if I did not make it too difficult.

This entry was posted on Monday, March 9th, 2009 at 11:56 pm and is filed under Personal.You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.